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1.
Still Right Here (free) 04:17
Lately I’ve been thinking, “Throw it all away,” It’s the voice I hold onto, Spilling all my pieces, Feeling this control, Bleeding all the things that slipped away So tired Of living like this again It cycles round and round again All my escapes that left me broken Leads me here again For all the words I’ve spoken And the ones who’ve led me there Because I still feel something Burning me, rising, the wanting that’s in here So with my broken meanings I find there’s still life left somewhere So take your miracle placebos And know that I am still right here Another comes your way Controlled by their mistakes Make pasts disappear with just pills and some words Don’t ask, follow Don’t ask, follow Don’t ask, follow with just pills and some words Given up On logic to pull me through It all comes down to what you choose No matter what I’ve seen or been, Tell me, Will this ever end? For all the words I’ve spoken And the ones who’ve led me there Because I still feel something Burning me, rising, the wanting that’s in here So with my broken meanings I find there’s still life left somewhere So take your miracle placebos And know that I am still right here
2.
She waits for Your moment, Just wants to Be noticed Such magic She’s weaving Her words so Deceiving She lives for The fame She’s obsessed, But that’s not one she’ll admit So thank you for your little show You are what makes me know what’s real To not become someone like you Someone like you You’re waiting to tell her How much that You’ve loved her But won’t she Surprise you When your name Eludes her So perfect, So fitting, So many Masks she lives in Just one more lost and faceless blank conclusion Someone like you So thank you for your little show You are what makes me know what’s real To not become someone like you Someone like you
3.
She 04:01
All around In a place unknown Many paths, many truths unfold There she stands reaching out alone In the dark She still breathes in light She’s there blowing kisses to the past Rays of hope Dotted skies she dreams Thinking of better times she lives and waits Begin Everything feels so numb and cold There she stands, reaching out alone Sinking ship that sailed too far away From home She’s throwing fear away, She won’t be frightened anymore Reaching out, I’m reaching out to you For hope And she sleeps with angels tonight, Waiting for you If I could give words to heal, I’d give them to you Are you there? Are you still there? I’m waiting for you, Reaching for you? Are you there? Are you still there? I’m calling out for hope to reach you
4.
I cannot escape The thoughts of you, Emotions that I thought I’d left behind With my memories locked away But here they are, exposed And I’m laid out and wondering What I’ve buried in my mind With my hidden thoughts of you In this ocean I am drifting far away When I can feel and life is real It’s always when remembering then I’m locked in time I can’t escape I’ve run so far and found no place That I can be completely free Without the chain of what remains Another time Another place And memories that I can face Always I’m delayed And thinking of the many things I wish that I could say But my words get tied up And you’ve gone on so well So why am I still lingering on? Why am I still here With my hidden thoughts of you In this ocean I am drifting far away When I can feel and life is real It’s always when remembering then I’m locked in time I can’t escape I’ve run so far and found no place That I can be completely free Without the chain of what remains Another time Another place And memories that I can face
5.
Everyday 03:18
Nothing rests here in the dark In illusion, serving time Beating down our dreams with fear Locked ourselves up in self-control Everyday brings us closer here Everyday brings us closer here Everyday brings us closer here Everyday brings us closer to waste What we get for all we do, Is this liberty for you? Broken down, In God we trust, Infect the weak, Condemn the just With all that you grow What is left to believe? When people have let their silence take all their control While drifting in hate And drifting in fear And left with forgotten dreams That all have disappeared Everyday brings us closer here Everyday brings us closer here Everyday brings us closer here Everyday brings us closer to waste
6.
Puppet 03:36
And you can play the games And you can speak the words But when the motion’s not enough, What will you let speak for you? Don’t want to follow Don’t want to be Another nameless, faceless, dreamer lost at sea And yet I’m here like everyone, Waiting in line for something more They say that time will bring conclusion, But that’s not what I’m living for Because I’m not some puppet anymore And I won’t follow anymore I’ve left these games for something more I’m not some puppet anymore I’m not some puppet anymore And I won’t follow anymore I’ve left these games for something more I’m not some puppet anymore Running circles just to move somewhere Feeling numb, cuz I’ve given everything But I don’t know who I can blame When I don’t know who pulls my puppet strings Don’t want to follow Don’t want to be Another nameless, faceless, dreamer lost at sea And yet I’m here like everyone, Waiting in line for something more They say that time will bring conclusion, But that’s not what I’m living for Because I’m not some puppet anymore And I won’t follow anymore I’ve left these games for something more I’m not some puppet anymore Don’t want to be in this mediocre place again I’m tearing down my walls now Of all the things that’s held me here Its time to rise, it’s time to fall Defeat the chains, defeat it all I’m going to live my life again I’m going to live my life again I’m going to live my life again Because I’m not some puppet anymore And I won’t follow anymore I’ve left these games for something more I’m not some puppet anymore I’m not some puppet anymore And I won’t follow anymore Not some puppet anymore
7.
How many times have I sat here, Waiting with my pen, Trying to continue? And the words that won’t come out Find their way into my head With the visions I see When I close my eyes to dream I can’t fly And I can’t begin Cuz I can’t be more than what I am How can I rise From this life that I’m in, If I can’t be more than what I am? How many hours have I lay here, Trying to forget a world that still continues? And each moment that’s slipped From my life into a dream Takes me further away From the me that I have seen I can’t fly And I can’t begin Cuz I can’t be more than what I am How can I rise From this life that I’m in, If I can’t be more than what I am? Give me truth and life with meaning Give me true words that I believe, that I believe (Singing, singing, wordless music, empty lullabies Singing, singing, wordless music, empty lullabies) I can’t fly And I can’t begin Cuz I can’t be more than what I am How can I rise From this life that I’m in, If I can’t be more than what I am?
8.
Victory (free) 03:15
Climbing up this ladder that I cannot see, Blinded by this struggle from reality, I won’t give up and I won’t delay, I’ve got to keep on pushing for another way Cannot look back, back far behind, Restless, I’m so restless and I still can’t find The key to all my answers to look them in To know where I’m going, instead of where I’ve been Live and bleed for my victory Rise and fall for this destiny I believe in my legacy To realize my victory You can’t keep me down Nothing will chain me down You won’t keep me bound ‘Cause I believe in what I’ve found I am here and I can see I am strong and I am free I am here and I can see That I am strong and I am free Live and bleed for my victory Rise and fall for this destiny I believe in my legacy To realize my victory Too much doubt Too long Twists my world so out of shape I can’t relive the time I’ve lost Life is now and mine to make Live and bleed for my victory Rise and fall for this destiny I believe in my legacy To realize my victory
9.
Beyond 04:36
Run from me Madness take me Find the pieces, Heal the cracks, Hold the edges back, I am there, The haunted stare, I exist here, all of me, Do you care? Never tell me what I am Rots away You can’t believe Why can’t you see? Why can’t you hear? Why can’t you feel? Fight your way to me There is so much you cannot see There is so much I want to know Beyond these words Beyond this touch Beyond this world Come to me here, Learn from my stare Stop and beware The voices come and they don’t share They rip apart my life until I learn there is no one in there Can you save me from me? Why can’t you see? Why can’t you hear? Why can’t I feel? Fight your way to me There is no time Stuck in this place Burn me away or light my fallen way Catching my breath, Fighting the pain, Feeling the contours of your face Tearing the colors that assault me in my dreams You meet me there And walk away Help me to find Your light, your touch Upon my face Beyond these words, Beyond this touch, Beyond this world, I wait in here What we lock away The things we hold dear All that I’ve betrayed To let you come so near But I still feel saved When hope falls away Because of dreams of here Beyond This place Burn me away or light my fallen way There is so much you cannot see There is so much I want to know Beyond these words Beyond this touch Beyond this world Come to me here, Learn from my stare Stop and beware The voices come and they don’t share They rip apart my life until I learn there is no one in there
10.
Alone I’m standing here With the thoughts I’ve grown so used to The faces in the air that remind me of my home The trails of letting go, Softly drifting further, Hear a smile in the dark And I realize it’s my own
11.
Prayer 03:45
Waking life Watching myself from a distance Grown from you Endless imperfection I stumble on my words Spilled out to you Scenes spill in Scenes spill out And still I’m left With one I can’t forget And it’s here I’m left to remember you So what I didn’t need you anyway If I pretend This’ll make it all okay So what I didn’t need you anyway If I pretend This’ll make it all okay If only I could rise again After such a long, bitter sleep If only I could dream again After all that I have seen If I follow all the footsteps of The echoes of the past Will I ever know the truth That’s made me who I am? Whispered once The loudest scream of all The failing voice Forgot to speak When it mattered most of all So what I didn’t need you anyway If I pretend This’ll make it all okay So what I didn’t need you anyway If I pretend This’ll make it all okay

credits

released July 6, 2005

Album produced and engineered by Gordon Bash w/ the help of Jazmin Rezai on "She"at Synergy Studios, Los Angeles, CA.

Engineering for "Prayer" done by Donnie Whitbeck at Joey's Place, Los Angeles, CA.

Album mastered by Steven Siebold.

All songs written by Natasha Cox and Jon Siren, except for "Victory", which was written by Gordon Bash, Natasha Cox, and Jon Siren.

"Beyond" by Natasha Cox, Jon Siren, and Julie Walthall (Fox).

"Prayer" by Natasha Cox.

Cover art and layout by Joseph Corsentino.

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